5 Crucial Lessons from My First 5 Years of Marriage: LESSON 4

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LESSON 4: Practice Vulnerability—Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble… Philippians 2:3a (NLT)

We go through our lives learning how to mask weakness, failure and inadequacies in ourselves. It’s ironic that marriage is designed by God in part to reveal precisely those same areas we have spent our lives trying to hide. If you carefully consider what lies at the heart of most marketing ploys you will discover an accusing message that says, “You are inadequate. You are insignificant. You are incompetent. But if you consume what we offer then you all that will change” (Interestingly, this is also what lies at the heart of the pornographic deception). 

We are bombarded with these messages daily. The result is that subconsciously we begin to believe that we will only be loved, accepted and valued as long as we are seen to be adequate and in control. We then forward the favor to our wives, measuring her against the same impossible standard with which we measure ourselves. This erodes our trust in each other and the very foundation upon which a marriage is built—unconditional love and acceptance in spite of our flaws. 

 

The way to combat this seductive message is through vulnerability—opening ourselves up to objective criticism from our wives. The following are some practical questions we need to ask our wives on a regular basis: 

     “What are some things I’ve done this week that irritated you or others around me?"

     "How have you seen weaknesses or shortcomings demonstrated in my life this week?"

     "Will you forgive me?"

     "What are some steps I can do to improve?"

     "Will you stand by me, help me and try to be patient with me as I seek to improve?"

     "Will you pray with me right now for God’s grace to do better?”